"If Bobby doesn't love football, he won't lead a fulfilling life, and then he'll die." --Hank Hill

Yes, I have to worry about a woman-hating QB1 who's suspended for at least the first four games, but . . . I don't care! I've thought a lot about it, and I'm not dumping the team for the one bad apple (who I admit is trying to clean up his act), and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of this season. The Boy retired from his travel-league soccer team and will only ref on Saturdays, which means that months of beautiful Sundays are stretching out before us. Here we go!

School starts Thursday, although The Boy has been going every day this week for soccer practice, so he's already kind of getting back into the swing of things. He's been taking a city bus and getting himself there; I don't have to spend my lunch hour driving around, which makes me grateful for the kid's growing independence. He's due for a little more independence, as he's about to start eighth grade! It's his last year in Middle School, and his tenth year at his school--he's been there since Kindergarten Readiness--and . . . this line of thought leads to high school and college and my baby being a man, and I'm not ready to think about that kind of independence.

So: I am ready for some football, but not ready to accept that my kid will be in high school next year.

That is all.

Crucio!

Well, we’re back. The trip was a strange one, because I found out while sitting at the airport Thursday morning, waiting to board the plane to Florida, that my parents’ neighbor of 35 years, my mother’s best friend, my “surrogate mother” through high school and college, had died of cancer.

It was the first time I’ve been the person to tell my mom a loved one had died—usually it’s been the other way around—and it was terrible. My mom saw my face and said, “What,” and all I could get out was, “Kathy.” And then we stood in the airport, hugging and crying. I asked whether we should still make the trip, and my mom said we absolutely should, so we did. We were home in time for the funeral on Monday, which: Ugh. At one point the new widower, who is a kind and patient man who never left his ailing wife’s side, said in passing at the funeral home, “I just keep looking around for my wife.”

So there was that to deal with. We did have a good trip despite the sadness, and I was very, very glad to be there with my mom, so she could talk about things when she felt like it. She’s furious more than anything, because Kathy found a lump in her breast six years before she did anything about it. By that time, of course, it was too late, and the cancer was everywhere. It’s hard to see my mom so sad and angry and frustrated, and to know that my emotionally retarded father isn’t going to be much help to her. Again: Ugh.

Anyway, though, we truly did have a good time, even in the face of the heat. Sweet Jesus, the heat. Only damned fools would go to central Florida in July/August, and damned fools we were. Between the heat (“Feels like 104!” Thanks, Weather Channel), the humidity (enough to steam my glasses every time we left an air-conditioned space), the crowds, and the flies, it felt like I imagine the slums of New Delhi must feel. Slogging through that park was like a punishment. And the crowds in the Potter portion of the park were so thick that I swear people would have been trampled to death if someone had yelled, “Fire!” The lines were so long and winding that you couldn’t even tell what you were in line for.

You couldn’t tell if you were in line for a ride, to get into the Three Broomsticks for something to eat, or to get into one of the many, many stores. The first day, Teddy and I managed to get to ride the roller coaster that’s set up to mimic a Hungarian Horntail racing a Chinese Fireball, and it was a good coaster, but that and a trip to Honeydukes and Zonko’s was all we could accomplish. We didn’t buy anything from Honeydukes because we knew it would melt at our touch, so we got some butterbeer from a barrel in the street and beat it out of there. (Butterbeer is delicious, by the way. We had the frosty kind, which tasted like an ice-cream float made with vanilla ice-cream, cream soda, and butterscotch. That may sound gross and too sweet, but it was a really nice treat.)

We staggered out of Potter and into Jurassic Park, where we had the stamina to wait for one water ride, which was very well done, and then we beat it back to the hotel pool (the indoor pool, because the water in the outdoor pool was HOT).

I took charge the second day, and we left the hotel in a cab an hour before the shuttle was scheduled to take us to the park. We got in before the park opened, and waited in line for about an hour for Potter to open. Yes, we were in line, but it was super early and the heat was tolerable. Plus, our line wound past a shop in Jurassic Park that generously left its doors open so the a/c could flow out to us. That wait was fine. Potter opened, and we made a beeline for Hogwarts, where we only waited for a little more than an hour to get in.

All of the waiting and the trudging and the sweating and the money were worth it.

You enter Hogwarts through the greenhouses, where you get to see all the plants—including the mandrakes—and then you flow into the (blissfully cool) castle. You get to see the glass cases that hold the jewels representing the house points, various suits of armor, and then you’re in front of the big statue that marks the entrance to Dumbledore’s office. You wind around, and there you are, with Dumbledore’s gadgets and trinkets all around you, and Dumbledore himself sitting at his desk.

He’s a projected image, I guess, but it looks like a hologram almost. And it’s Michael Gambon sitting there, his fingers templed under his chin, telling you a bit about Hogwarts. My first thought was, “But Dumbeldore’s DEAD,” but I got over it and was just charmed. He asked us to step into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, where we came across the same kind of projected images, this time of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They were arguing amongst themselves when Hermione said, “Ron! You’re making it snow again!”

AND IT SNOWED ON US. REAL SNOW! I nearly swooned.

Then we wandered around, past the Mirror of Erised and the many, many moving and talking portraits on the walls, and past the Fat Lady, until we made it into the Great Hall where we were seated four across in a little car. Harry popped out on his broom and asked us to meet him at the Quidditch Pitch, and then took off. We started moving (the car did move, but there were projected images all around us, too), and then Hagrid showed up on that covered bridge from the films and asked if anyone had seen a dragon . . . and then we took off on a flight that kind of echoed the one Harry had when the Horntail was chasing him in Goblet of Fire. We were up and down and flinging around near the roof tops, and tiles fell and the dragon screeched, and then we were in the shelter of the Forbidden Forest. With the spiders. These were really there, not images, and they were creepier than in the movies because we were so near to them. They were shiny and moist looking, and Aragog was huge, and spit at us. I squealed at that point.

And then it got misty and colder, and the dementors showed up. They were real too, although there were projected ones as well. One flew right up to The Boy and startled him so much that The Boy kicked out at it and lost a shoe (he’s now proud that one of his shoes will live forever in Hogwarts). And then dementors swooped down at us to give us the kiss, and we could see silvery images of our (wide-eyed) faces shimmering and stretching out above us, but Harry came and cast his Patronus just in time.

We past the Whomping Willow and made it to the Quidditch Pitch when Draco showed up and chased us through the stands. This was fast and furious, and the images here (I think it was 3-D) were really good.

Then we landed, Harry asked what took us so long, and the Hogwarts staff and students were there to welcome us and tell us we’d done a good job. We disembarked and were spit out into a gift shop (the only amusement park gift shop I’ve ever seen that sold books), and we floated away to find a kiosk to buy The Boy some flip-flops.

As we were leaving Potter at about 10am, we heard the guards TURNING PEOPLE AWAY, because the place was at capacity. People were being told to come back at 3pm. It was unbelievable, but that’s how bad the crowds were.

The rest of Universal was fine. The Boy and I rode The Hulk, which is quite an excellent coaster, and we rode the Spiderman thing, which was totally crap after having been through Hogwarts (I think I may have actually yawned while on the ride), and we bopped around to a few more things, bought some swag, and beat it back to the pool.

I know this is a long post, but I wanted to express the greatness of that castle. I’ll never visit central Florida again unless it’s winter, but I will say that the castle is worth every bit of suffering it took to get there. Even if it felt like Bellatrix was after us with the Cruciatus Curse.